Results

Just gotten my results.

It isn't great but I managed to scrape through. :)

Wondering if i would obsess over my cap score if it was better? Haha, i dunno. Maybe.

I've already accepted the fact that I'm not going to get into the Dean's list or anything like that. So I'm glad that i managed to do reasonably well. :) As long as no fails or anything like that and i'm happy liao.

And i gotten another A from this semester.

At this rate, I'll probably get a grand total of 8 A's by the end of these four years, since I'm always lucky enough to get an A every semester.

Oh well.

Christmas

It's 4.30 am, what am I doing still awake at this ungodly hour? Watching anime and stuff. Got a pretty interesting card, wait, what's interesting is what is written inside. Just want to say that it's never too late to do something, what matters is how much you wish to do it, you need to put in effort for everything that you want. *grins* Hopes this helps. Oh yah, if need to talk can find me, certain stuff i might not be able to help, but there are areas where i might be, :). I have a world of experience behind me, ( yah right!)

Watched Ntional treasure on X'mas eve, it is not bad, a typical hollywood flick with the big explosions, big names, big story, and big car chasing scenes. Probably big budgeted too. But it was nice, a tad bit too commercial if you ask me. What i really wanted to watch was this Japanese show titled "Dare mo shiranai"(nobody knows). It's about these four kids whose mum abandons them to their own devices and the eldest boy has to take on the resposibility of taking care of the rest of the children. The problem lies in the fact that he's only 12 yrs old. I guess it's gonna be at worst a soppy sob story about how they overcome the difficulties, but looking at it another way it shows how adverse situations might affect different people differently, others might have chosen to shrug off the responsibility and sit there waiting for others to help, while others will chose the way that the boy handles it. It's also a non formal look at Japanese society, and Asian society in general. Asian society is generally conservative, so things that are out of the norm do not sit well with them. In this case, that of a parentless family.

Oh yeah, people who have been seeing me recently would know that I'm pretty into japanese stuff right now. It's just that it amazes me how a culture that is so homogenous can be so fractured at the same time. And how the japanese culture produces weird situations and unorthodox yet effective solutions ( crowded homes -> inconvinient to have sex at home -> Sex motels ). And a culture that recognises animation as a medium that is more than just entertainment for kids but as a tool to present to the world the vision the animator sees. What hollywood does with big budgets, the Japanese have been doing with animation. It is only recently that The west realized that Animation is more than just for kids. ( Animatrix, shrek to a certain extent.)

I can tell the world that it is a bad idea to head to Orchard road on christmas eve if you dislike crowds. It was an interesting experience to say the least. But I leave that for tomorrow since I'm typing with an error rate of 40% now.

Time to stop. Time to sleep. Time to wish someone would stay.

Merry Christmas, Pieces of Earth and all that.

Oh yah, one last thing, everyone, its not a good idea to be too nice to someone else when your bf/gf is around. Not even when you don't mean anything more. It's just not a good idea. Just a little piece of advice i thought i would share.

Mades

I was having dinner with my parents last night when I saw something that showed me how cynical and weird I am.

A woman walked past with her maid carry the baby, the woman was carrying plastic bag from the video rental shop.

Immediatly i think, why does she needs a maid when she has the time to rent videos to watch?

A few assumptions i made
1. its a tv series, meaning she's most probably gonna spend hours completing the thing.
2. She's a housewife. She sure looks like one.
3. She's entrusting the care of the baby totally to the maid. I know that if the baby is mine, the maid would be carrying the plastic bag while i carry the baby.

Am i cynical? Yes i think so, but am I wrong to be cynical?
It's a world that's largely unfair, there are people out there who have everything without having to work for it. Yes there are people worse off than me, but that just proves my point, life ain't fair.

Another pointless rant by me.

Things *shrugs*

Dear Blog,

Been feeling funny lately. I'm wishing that someone can pay more attention to me, yet when I do get the attention, I wish that the attention is not on me. The person I wish would pay attention to me is not.

Feeling kind of lost lately, having too much time on hand, don't know what to do with this much time. It feels as though I'm the only person I know who is just idling my time away. Nothing constructive. Feel like a total bum.

Feeling tired from secrets. Wondering when I'll finally be free from all secrets, probably the day when i breathe my last.

Wondering about the future, knowing that I'll never be truly a part of your life. And no matter how hard I try, you seemed to remain aloof from mine. I wonder how long can this last. I guess its partly why I'm so irritable lately. Wondering what type of future we'll ever have.

Feel like just shutting myself up somewhere no one knows. Where no one can find me, but i think no one will want to find me. Don't think anyone will notice that I'm gone anyway. i think i'll just go hide in my room now.

New Design

Changed my layout yet again. This is how it's suppose to look like, if it doesn't look the same on your end, tough. Life ain't perfect, neither is my blog, live with it. :)

Merry X'mas

Tis the season to be merry. :)

嬉しい

明日会いたい人はシンガポールへ帰ります。

Hmmmm...

I've been wanting to post something for the longest time ever. But i didn't for i was afraid i'll irritate anyone who reads it. ( oh wait, i think its only gagey. :P ) Hee... Been feeling down in the dumps lately, argued with mom again, she's ignoring me.

It's not the first time that she has decided that she has the right to decide whether my stuff are toys for my nephew/niece. And they lied to me, saying that my book got caught somewhere and was torn. And when that lie failed, they said that Elyse took it without them noticing, as if i'll believe that? She can't even crawl, the book was on the table, and she managed to get her hands on it? If i believed that lie, i'm stupid. I dunno who was responsible for her at that time, but I hate it that they decided to lie to me, thinking that i'm stupid. And they seem to think that i have no right to be angry? If it was Rae who spoiled, i might have been less angry. But Elyse? A babe in arm? which means that someone allowed her to take the book.

I dunno, am I wrong to be angry? She ignores me, I don't like that. Plus, Elyse likes to put stuff in her mouth, what if the ink caused her to fall sick? How then? Maybe i was wrong to lose my temper, but they have been charged with her welfare, they should be responsible for her well being and discipline.

I hate this, I wish i could be talking to you, but you are not here. I miss you so.

Horoscope

Was flipping through the Straits Times today morning. Read my horoscope and was amused. It said that I'm yearning for an overseas call. haha. How freaky is that? haha.

To Do list

Things to do after my Exams:

1. Buy a new phone (finally)
2. Buy some new PS2 games
3. Buy some novels.
4. Buy Faye's Concert DVD.
5. Go clubbing (?)
6. Go swimming.
7. Redesign my weblog.
8. Earn money.

Thoughts

What is it about Singaporeans and their utter refusal to open their mouths? I was standing on the bus yesterday and my bag accidently brushed against the lady who was sitting right behind me.

What would a civil person do in this situation? Open their mouths and say "excuse me, but would you mind being more careful?" and point to the bag if i have no idea what is going on.

Guess what the lady did? She whacked my bag. She couldn't talk to a stranger so she whacked my bag. But she could talk to her daughter perfectly fine. At that time, i would admit that i was a little woozy ( i just finished two papers that day, give me a break ) but i wasn't listening to any form of music that would require her to actually use action instead of verbally telling me.

I'm wondering if it will seriously kill her to open her mouth? i wasn't asleep, i do not look deaf, i didn't have earphones on, i looked like a chinese, so that really wasn't any reason other than the simple fact that the bitch refused to open her fucking precious mouth to a stranger.

Yup, I'm angry.

Angry at a lot of stuff.

1. Exams ending so late.
2. A generally fucked up semester
3. A lonely ten days after the exams.
4. Only work to look foward to.
5. Singaporeans who's mouths are stuck together.
6. Dad's being ill.
7. Dad's stubbborness.
8. My parents getting old.
9. Someone not picking up my call.
10. Starhub for closing so bloody early.
11. Starhub staff who smiled and refused me entry while doing it.
12. Myself for being so angry.

I don't know why, but i really feel like screaming right now.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Doesn't really help.

Halfway through.

Soon my exams will be over. And it'll be time to play.

Desperate Wives

Oddly riveting.

It's a show about 5 sub-urbian housewives. Oh make that 4, one killed herself seconds after the pilot episode begins.

There's Mary-Alice, she's the one who killed herself, and also the narrator, i guess being dead makes you privy to some pretty intimate stuff about your neighbours.

Then there's Bree, the perfect housewife, mother and neighbour to everyone but her own family. She's the one with the marriage on the rocks.

Next is Susan, divorcee, pretty, and smitten over the hunk, Mike, who just moved into the neighbourhood. But she has the neighbourhood's other divorcee, Edie, as compeition. The screen heats up when they're vying for Mike's attention. Susan is lucky that she has her daughter, Julie, to help.

Gabrielle is the one who's married to the rich guy who showers her with gifts but not much in the way of time and affection, so she looks for affection in the form of their hunky 17 yr old garderner, John.

Lastly, there's Lynette, ex-career woman, presently mom to 5 kids. Attention deficit disorder twins, another boy, a newborn and her husband.

The story revolves around the life and friendship of these women and the secret which cumulated in the suicide of their friend. Whose husband and son she left behind is behaving very oddly.

Click on this link to find out more!

今すこしかなしいです。

何も書きたくない。
何も話せたくない。
何もしたくない。

Happy Thoughts

A yerrow fruffy duck and assorted friends surprised me.

Heard that it was the ducky's idea.

Thank you my little duck.

Thank to the assorted friends too.

Piggy, Mooey, and ... ... ... ... ...

What can i call him? Slutty? hehe....

Nah, i'll be nice, maybe i'll call him funny. :)

wasn't expecting anything this year,

so it was quite a surprise.

I guess all the hinting does work.

heee....

HAPPY THOUGHTS END.

BaCk to MugGiNG.

Thoughts

Thoughts running through my mind.
Thinking about tomorrow.
Is it weird that i think so much?
Maybe I have grown.

Tomorrow is now minutes away.
Listening to Faye as I pass into tomorrow.

tomorrow is just another day,
no one at home bothers,
Is it weird that i don't feel sad?
Maybe i have grown.

Tomorrow is just seconds away.
Listening to Faye as the seconds pass.

Worries about the future.
Worries about my life.
Is it weird that i worry so?
Maybe i have grown.

Tomorrow is now today.
Still listening to her soothing croonings.



美錯
作曲：郭子
作詞：林夕
編曲：孟軍

本來相約他在海邊山盟海誓
卻找錯地方來到一個游泳池
滿眼湖水藍的美麗　你我就從那裏開始
藍色的漣漪鋪展一段回憶

你送我偶然從天而降的殞石
我一直誤會那是顆完美鑽石
不曾看見它的瑕疵　把它鑲在我的戒指
我也沒發現　有甚麼損失

讓我感情用事　理智無補於事
至少我就這樣開心過一陣子 　
不管他是真的你是假的誰是目的地 　
能自以為是也是個恩賜 　

不是來得太快　就是來得太遲 　
美麗的錯誤往往最接近真實 　
儘管昏迷有時夢醒有時不堅持 　
人生最大的快樂也不過如是 　 　
所謂醉生夢死　大概就是這個意思

讓我感情用事　理智無補於事
至少我就這樣開心過一陣子 　
不管他是真的你是假的誰是目的地 　
能自以為是也是個恩賜

不是來得太快　就是來得太遲 　
美麗的錯誤往往最接近真實 　
儘管昏迷有時夢醒有時不堅持 　
人生最大的快樂也不過如是 　 　

所謂醉生夢死　大概就是這個意思
所謂天意就是這個意思

今日本語を勉強します。

Satan

I saw this and was disturbed. What is it trying to say?
That you should never be too busy for God?

Or that by being exposed to him every possible moment, you'll be closer to God?
If that is true, explain this, this and this.

Or that we should get rid of all technology or at the very least ensure that technology is only used for the purpose of being closer to God?

Or that exposing yourself to culture will detract because it takes away your time with Him?

Give it a rest, don't use the devil as a scapegoat for things that you yourself are to be blamed for.
And if being free from the influence of devils means that I've to give up all the things that i enjoy in life, I'll rather be under their influence.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I'm speaking from a non-religious person's point of view.

SATAN'S MEETING:

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.
In his opening address he said,
"We can't keep Christians from going to church."
"We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their saviour."
"Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken."
"So let them go to their churches; let them havetheir covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time,so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil:"Distract them from gaining hold of their Saviour and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.
"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow."
"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week,10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."
"Keep them from spending time with their children."
"As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette playerwhenever they drive."
"To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly."
"This will jam their minds and break that union withChrist."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers."
"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."
"Invade their driving moments with billboards."
"Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind ofnewsletter and promotional offering free products,services and false hopes.."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outwardbeauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. "
"Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night."
"Give them headaches too!"
"If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them Santa Clause to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning ofChristmas."
"Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death."
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive."
"Have them return from their recreation exhausted."
"Keep them too busy to go out in nature andreflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays,concerts, and movies instead."
"Keep them busy,busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship,involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences."
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus."
"Soon they will be working in their own strength,sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause."
"It will work!"
"It will work!"
It was quite a plan!The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busier and more rushed, going here and there. Having little time for their God or their families. Having no time to tell others about the power ofJesus to change lives.I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes? You be the judge!!!!! Does "BUSY" mean:B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

Tis the Season

Suddenly had to impulse to draw up a wish list.

Tis the Season.

1. World Peace.
2. That't all. Nothing else, Really.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Damn you're not easily fooled, aren't you?

Alright, so here's my actual wish list, it'll come in handful soon.

1. Handphone.
2. A watch.
3. New Computer.
4. Dumbbells.
5. iPod .
6. Hong Kong Trip.
7. Oath of undying love ( but please do get something else from the list also ).
8. New shoes.
9. English to japanese dictionary.

Hee... :)
They are in no particular order.
Solely for your perusal, since i also hated having to figure out what to buy for others as presents. :)

Irritated

Don't you hate it when people ask for help, and the tone is one of you owe them the help?

Happened to me today, not the first time either.

Irritated.

Unless you're on either
a) a " i have some deep dark secrets of yours " basis
b) a " i have photos of how ugly you were" basis
c) a petname basis
with me.

I'll advise you to attempt to be polite when asking for help.

Else suffer a bitching from me.

Spotted.

Was at dhouby Ghaut tonight.
A lady came up to me and said,
"Excuse me, are u modelling?"
Then she went on to ask me whether i was interested in modeling.

It ended with me giving my number.

It felt good.

Wonder if she'll actually call?
haha, maybe from far she thought i was good looking, but upon close inspection...
maybe she just got my number to be polite, since she has already asked.
I certainly hope not, but the doubt is there.
That is how insecure and paranoid i am.

BUT then at the very least, i know i look good from a distance.

Idol Idiocy

Isn't it amazing how the words idol and idiot sound so much alike? I think I have finally stumbled upon the reason. Anyone who has had the chance to catch last week's Singapore Idiots would understand what i'm talking about. There is no doubt that Singapore Idol is a complete farce, and only serves to increase the coffers of the telcos in Singapore.

I know that i'm being bitter since the only contestant that is representing NUS is now out of the competition and no, i'm not in the school/class wager for SI. I'm just amazed at how one bad performance can result in the booting out of a talented individual. Are Singaporeans really so unforgiving?

The moment someone who has been performing great suddenly does badly, Singaporeans will condemn the person. Whereas for those sub-par performers, well, let's just say that the only direction they can go is up.

I know that an idol need not be the most talented one, ( just look at American Idol), you need to be able to strike a chord with the audience and be utterly likeable and have at least a little talent. OR you have lots of friends, OR overwhelmingly supportive parents.

Wonder what this says about David?

Happiness

Happiness is when you learn to be contented with what you have.

Happiness is when you realise that the person you love, loves you.

Happiness is when you know that you have a lifetime together.

Happiness is when you know that your friends are there for you.

Happiness is knowing what to be happy about.

Happiness is knowing when you have done your best.

Happiness is not letting the small things get to you.

Happiness is letting small things light up your day.

Happiness is just knowing that just to be alive is a wonderful thing.

Oops.

Realise that what i've type in a previous post is terribly misleading.

I was thinking of a friend when i said that.
Love should be mutual, but it might not be.

Note: I was not referring to myself.

Food for thought

The most wonderful thing to ever happen to you has been offered her dream job...in another city far far away.
And she probably won't be coming back anytime soon.
You have commitments that roots you to where you are right now.
And you are struggling just to make ends meet, so frequent trips to visit her is out of the question.


She wants to make you happy so she decides to decline the offer,

Would you:
a) speak up and agree to her decision not to take up the job offer.
b) keep silent thus indirectly agreeing with her decision, even though you know how much the decision costs her.
c) encourage her to take up the job, even though everyday without her will be miserable for you.

I wish that i can be sure that I would choose c) if it ever happens to me, but i'm afraid i will not be strong enough.

Woozy

Spent the whole afternoon working on my electronics project. Was wiring it up, fun but a little streneous on the eyes. Managed to get half the circuit up.

Read Gage's blog.

Life shouldn't be so gloomy yet it is.

Starting anew is something so easy yet so difficult.

Worthless memories should be forgotten yet they remain..

Genuine Friendship should be cherished yet they are not.

We should enjoy the present, yet we wallow in the past.

I resolve to leave it all behind, yet i dare not.

I should be true to myself, yet i cannot.


On a brighter note: I had a great Mid-autumn Festival. Thanks to Ja.
I knew i wasn't the best of company, but i had stuff on my mind.

And one more line.

Love should be simple yet it is not.
Love should be mutual yet it might not.

Weird Mood!!!

I wonder why?

Rubbish

Did something weird today.

I was walking home from the MRT station and there was this indian kid walking towards me. He was carrying a Mcdonalds' plastic bag. As he walked, the empty fries package fell out from the bag, and it was loud and obvious, the kid just hurried off, not caring or pretending not to care. I walked over and picked up the package and disposed of it in the nearest trash bin. As i walked home, i noticed more trash on the floor, honestly it was quite demoralising, to realise that are still Singaporeans who could not care less where they dispose of their garbage.

I wasn't angry at them, just diasppointed. I was more angry with myself, because other than the fries packet, I chose not to pick up the rest of the trash, citing the lame reason that they might be dirty. And that i didn't speak up to make the Rubbishes pick up their own trash.

W and G

The new season of W&G is out.

Grace is divorcing Leo, *gasps*.

Lost

A break in the middle of the semester is not necessarily a good thing. I'm serving my mid-term break now, technically its a break, but the amount of work plus the number of mid-term tests the week after this makes it a non-relaxable break.
I know i should be revising, but i don't know where to start. at least untill someone can tell me whether i should use a 74163 or a 74193 or a 74191. Sigh.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Friday was sucky,
Saturday was great,
Sunday was fun.

金曜日にどこへも行きません。
Friday was the deadline for my C++ programming assignment, now i understand why they call the submission date deadline, because you are likely to be half dead when you submit your assignment. I failed that assignment. I swear that for the next assigment, I'll start work on it as soon as i get the question, not caring if I look like an ultra nerd to the rest of the world.

土曜日に彼と美術館へ行きました。
Saturday morning was normal, went to give lessons in Hougang. Had a restless Friday night, so i was half zombiefied when i went for the lessons. The afternoon was better, we went to the Ottoman Empire Exhibition held at the Asian Civilization Museum. It was interesting, although we managed to finish the Ottoman Empire Exhibition, there were still many other exhibitions that we did not have time to finish viewing.

日曜日に友達に会いました。それから、昼ごはんを食べました。
Sunday was a day for slacking around. Started the day late, went to meet Sze they all for lunch, made a trip down to Sim Lim Square all because Hui needed to get a printer. Six person to accompany her to get a printer. Oh well, it was fun anyway. Realised that except for me and Hui, the rest of them do not eat innards, think it'll be a good idea for me to cut back on them, since they are high in cholestrol and fats.

Melancholia

Feeling weird and
the weirder thing is that
the weirdest might
not be the weirdo.

Signals

For once, i understand what signals lecture is about.
Yippee. Finally. the lecturer is a bit slow though, and a tad bit too long winded, therefore i'm now online doing my own stuff.
Hee, looks like a good start for my week.

First, i had a focasia cheese and ham sandwich. Someone made it for me. Happy!!!
Next i went to school, for my project discussion, we managed to get a lot of work done, and it was fun, because we're starting to plan for the filming. It alll sounds pretty interesting at this point in time, hopefully my enthusiam will carry through.

Next was my management tutorial. i realise that i'm highly disagreeable but highly open to new ideas type of person. For the tutorial, we were split into 4 groups, and i was in cranberry, hee, my favorite band's name. My group was made up of people of my type as in highly disagreeable but highly open to new ideas. It was suppose to be an experiment as the different personalities are supposed to show in our group discussions. However, the hypothesis were all proven false, i think the main reason is that we were just thrown together with strangers for an unimportant task. How strongly would you argue if you do not really mind how the discussion turns out? And since we're mostly exposed to Asian Culture, we tend to err on the side of caution, and be polite and submerge our true character. So when my tutor said that the hypothesis have been overturned is hardly correct, it would have been more correct if she had said that the experiment had failed. For it has.

AND she ended the lesson early. which in turn gave me time to reach my japanese tutorial early. Even earlier than Satoi sensei. It was seriously a laugh a minute session. It got more interesting as everyone started to understand japanese better. It was fun, with conversation ranging from movies, to taking photos, to smoking, to girlfriends, to Mcdonalds. It was fun, learned a lot today. Had lots of fun, beginning to understand japanese better, as long as they speak slowly.

Following that, i rushed back to Engineering Faculty for my next lecture, it is a Signals lecture, and that is where i'm blogging rite now, for the lecturer is doing a lot of explanation, and i already understand, for i managed to read up the notes before i came for the lecture. And now i'm blogging while waiting for him to get to the point where i do not understand. but it seems that is not possible, guess he'll end the lecture at the point where i stopped reading.

Still have another project discussion after the lecture, different project this time round, its about statistics now. I wonder what we have to do for it. I only know that its something about Lexus SUV and Honda SUV.

In Equality? inequality?

It was not so long ago that female magazines were advocating femal independence, equality and demands that the modern woman stand up to men and say " we're equals." Yet at the very same time, the same magazines had articles that boasted tiltles such as " how to seduce your man", "Mould your man to be your dream man" or "SNAGs, love them or hate them?". It never really made sense to me. It seems that all this talk about sexual equality is just that, talk.

And recently, i managed to get my hand on a copy of the monthly magazine of a certain university in Singapore. There was this article in it in which a young lady said somthing akin to - to hell with equality, i wanna be treated like a lady- and the very next night i had a conversation with a close girl friend, and i realised that she expects guys to ask her out, and not the other way round. It reminded me how "equal" we really are. There are ladies who really believe in equality, they do their best to show that they are equal to guys in all aspect, but the majority probably don't give serious thought when they talk about female rights. They are probably talking about it simply because it is a hot topic and that women are just inherently more bit... erhem, vocal than guys.

Just think about it, what sort of message is being sent when they start talking about gender equality yet still expect guys to make the first move. If we're equal, shouldn't they make the first move more often? Asking someone out for a date is never easy, ( at least not to me.) i worry about whether she will agree, and if she agrees does she mean anything, if she says she's busy is she really busy or is it just a nice way to reject me. And when they agree, you have to worry about making a good impression.

To wait for someone to ask you for a date can be just as bad, although you don't have to deal with the possibilty of rejection, you'll worry about how to reject someone tactfully, or how not to show that you're desperate, or when you wait and wait but you don't get asked, or the wrong person asks you out.

Honestly, i find it confusing, and detering, when we see a damsel in distress, should we help and risk being given the look that says (what is this perv up to) or ignore and get the look that says ( Singaporean Men! ) sigh, when will women make up their minds? In the mean time, i'll risk being given the perv look by ladies.

Nationstates

Check this out,
run a county from the comfort of your own home.
Will you be a tyrant? A "greater freedom of speech" Advocator? Or a "bench warmer"?
Go find out.

Stardom

I'm thinking that the worse thing that can happen to an aspiring star (star, not actor) is that no one knows him/her.
So sad eh?

Kittens

Saw this on a fren's blog.
Decides to blog about masturbation

First off a poll,

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Do you think Masturbation is wrong?

Yes No undecided

My vote is a maybe. Masturbation can be treated as something positive if done correctly, if a man with a pregnant wife (in the stage where she doesn't feel like sex) needs release, i'm inclined to think that it'll be better for the guy to seek release by hand rather than from another person.

Masturbation is now medically proven to be non-detrimental to health, infact it is beneficial to health, both mental and physical. Apparently, some studies have shown that man who masutrbates regularly has a lessen chance of getting prostrate cancer, i do not profess to know the reason behind it, nor the credibility of it. Yet is sounds reasonable, you spem delivery system probably needs a release once in a while in order to cleanse the system. And for those unlucky soul who has yet to find a soul partner, they probably have to rely on their hands for release.

It is also a form of release? If you ask me to choose between prostitution and masturbation, I'll definitely take masturbation as a lesser evil ( if evil it is.)

But the maybe comes in when masturbation becomes an addiction, or compulsion. When a person needs to masturbate so badly that it feels like a addiction, there's where it becomes bad. But as with all things, moderation is the key.

I never really understood the vilification of something so benign, (provided it is done in private) it feels weird to me that certain religions associate it with sexual misconduct ( it might be sexual in nature, but i do not see the misconduct anywhere). If people where to treat it as something natural, and that sex is not really something to be ashamed of, perhaps the Procreate Singapore campaign might succeed. It falls in with religious view that sex is taboo.

For if sex is not enjoyable, sex would be for the sake of sole procreation. I wonder how low the birth rates will plunge if that happens.

If we were not meant to enjoy sex, He would have made us that way, unless you want to explain it as His way of testing us, then I would have nothing to say.
And therefore i state that anyone who believes in the above statement, believes in the world different;y from i do, and i seek not to convert, for i hate someone who'll try that with me.

On this sour note, i'll stop, before i carry on and say something truly offensive.

News

In the sunny island of Singapore, it seems that any news is good news for the media.
Even skirts falling off furing a paegant is worthy of mention on prime time news.

SIgh, the deplorable state of the Singapore media.

Life

Had a sleepless night,
programming endlessly.
But it was a great night.

Had a green tea bun,
a super chicken chop,
and looked at apples.

made you walked a lot,
unintentional mistake,
made you late.
I'm sorry.

No badminton tomolo,
hope it'll be sunny,
Poolside slacking.

Smile

Apparently having a fully packed timetable is not that good. At the very least not to someone who's used to slacking his way through school. It feels weird in that way, and i do not have a CCA as yet, imagine if i were to be involved with a CCA, together with school and tuition, i'm pretty sure i'll start to resemble a zombie. Any other reason for not wanting a CCA? I'm just not interested, or i'm not good enough, or it costs too much. The few thing that catches my interest tends to be heavy on equipment or it's not available in school. Hmm, i think there is a literary group in NUS somewhere, yet i fear i'm not good enough.

It's just me, i fear therefore i abstain. Therefore my life is a bit dry and boring, sigh, need to get out more as the sbstransit ad says.

Writing is a passion for me, hopefully regular readers of this blog can tell this by now. I like to write, but i have yet to decide what direction i'm going into. Fantasy? Escapism. Contemporary? normal. Thriller? Not interested. Horror? I'll sleep with my lights on. (hee, not true lah, i not that much of a wuss.) My life Story? Lack of materials.

Basically i think i've managed to narrow down what my problem is. My experiences are lacking. In order to write convincingly, you need to experience the place at least. Otherwise there is no authencity. It's like asking a blind man to describe a flower just by looking at it. Similarly experience is the extra sensory organ that a writer needs. Just think about it, would you be able to describe a place you've never been to?

The only substitute will be imagination, but there is only so far that imagination can go. In order to have others visualize what you are seeing, you need to supply them with references to the real world. ie, "the grass green ant-like humonoid." In that short phrase itself, there are three references to experiences. Someone who has never seen(experienced) an ant who not be able to describe in such a succint manner and yet conveying the essential idea across. He might instead describe it as " a grass green humanoid with pincer like mouth, two antennae above its bug like eyes". That sentence include even more references to the experience of the writer, he has to know what a bug is, what antennae are.

The point i'm trying to make is that writing well is based much on experiences. Just imagine if you were to ask someone who has never left Singapore to describe London, he'll probably only be able to describe it using the terms that he has heard from someone else, it is a vicarious expreience, he would never know what it feels like to stand in the fog, listening to the chiming of Big Ben. (i've never been to london, so i really do not know what it feels like.)

Ask me to describe Singapore, and i'll be able to give you a fair description, but the details is in the feelings. You can describe a place but you can never feel a place untill you've been there.

Ask me to describe Redang, and it is a feeling of happiness and relaxation, its true that there were some wistful moments on my part. I can never accurately describe the sea beach and corals nor the feelings if i've never been there.

So what am i trying to say?
A good piece of writing can be based on feelings, for feelings are universal, when you say happy, most people will know what you are feeling. But to accurate describe your feelings, you need to experience. No wonder they say that those who has had a difficult love life, tend to be able to write the best sad love songs, and those who are happily in love are those who can write the best soppy love songs. Because human respond to emotions, but the emotions have to be genuine, for we have the capability to feel(the word again) whether it is true or just a forced imagined feeling.

Long post, need to keep my writing skills in practice, so i wrote a little more than i intended. today was an ad-hoc thingy, i typed as i thought, so if it feels a bit flighty, forgive me.

Drought's over(?)

The drought has beaten a temporary retreat. There was a day-long shower on Saturday, despite lightning towards the end, the plant wasn't threatened, and the plant is now well watered. Just need a bit more fertilizer though, sigh.

Love

Time is to love,
what water is to a plant.
Too much will drown it,
to little causes it to wither.

Different plants have requires different amount of water.
but I am not looking for a cactus,
which only requires watering infrequently.
Neither am i looking for a hyacinth.

I just want an orchid.

You said that things will become better when the term starts.
it hasn't.
You looked foward to school to occupy my time.
it isn't

I still want spend time with you despite my workload.
it's not so.
Everything seems so important to you.
but not me.

I haven't been seeing you much,
it is true.
i guess i'll see you even less in the future.
...

Mister Cellophane

If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm
And shook his leg
You'd notice him

If someone in a movie show
Yelled "fire in the second row,
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should
be
Invisisble, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
walk right by me
And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your
ears?
You'd notice him

Supoose you was a woman wed
And sleepin' in a double bed beside a man for seven years
You'd notice him

A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk , you're bound to see
him there

Unless that human being next to you
Is unimpressive, undistingueshed
You know who. . .

Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'im there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there

Bitch

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

[Chorus:]
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Growing Up

Growing Up is a painful process. Where you have to start thinking about what you want and not what your friends wants. Is it selfish to think of yourself? Or is it more selfish to think of others' needs and neglect your own? Or in mandarin, ni dui de qi zhi ji ma?

I enjoy talking to my group of secondary school friends, for they are the ones who provide me with depth, they are the ones who allows me to express myself, they are the one who expand on, comment and criticises my ideas and ideals. Different people manage to bring different perspective into my life, ranging from religious to plain domestic.

Others might think that i'm a shallow vain person, but i know that my friends know otherwise. They know that vainity is really me, and yet it is also an act.

Dinner was great for more than just the food, ideas, gossips and concerns get exchanged, and it makes the meal more than just physically filling, it is also intellectually satisfying.

Have i lost it?

I used to make you smile,
Just by hanging around.
Seeing you just a while,
hearing your every sound.

Doing what used to charm,
Doesn't seem to be the way,
Seems i am doing more harm,
More helpless i feel, day by day.

Have i lost it?
The key to your heart.

No longer do i feel,
Your joy on seeing me.
I know not how to deal.
The worries i see.

I wonder if it'll be better,
For you at the very least.
To break chain and fetter.
Linking you to this beast.

Funny...

Just saw this scene on tv just now. I find it funny, so i thought i'll write it down.

In this scene, Adrian Pang is the husband and Quan Yifeng is the wife. Apparently Yifeng thinks that another women is chasing after Pang. And so tries her best to be the good wife, so that she won't lose her husband. According to my mum, Yifeng used to be quite demanding, until she realised that her husband is very attractive too. And now, Adrian knowing this tries to be difficult. He comes home from work, making things difficult by asking her, "oh dinner isn't ready yet?" and yifeng has actually prepared dinner. So he changes tack and asks for dessert, saying that he has already eaten before he got home. Yifeng flusters knowing that she hasn't prepared the dessert(ice Kachang) yet. She runs into the kitchen to prepare, Pang says something like "in that case, i'll go out and get it myself" and runs out but not before grabbing some of the food that Yifeng has prepared. Which probably means that he hasn't actually eaten, he was purposefully trying to be difficult.

But i makes me wonder, how far would i go to ensure that someone will stay mine?

Also, how far would anyone go to ensure someone stays theirs?

and would you ever test your other half in such a way?

I wonder......

點心

"喝茶,吃點心! 點心,點心!!!"

The DimSum Dollies were great. The managed to poke fun at issues that are, how did they put it?, uniquely Singapore. From the Campaigns urging us to procreate, to the popularity of line-dancing in Singapore, to a prominent family, to plastic surgery, to the Singapore Girl, to parking fines.

But the main butt is quite obviously the Singapore Government. Indirect and not so direct jibes at the Singapore government abound in the whole show, and from the laughter these jibes obtained, it can be safely said that they are something singaporeans are able to identify with. It's enjoyable sometimes to be able to laugh at the things that at other times are just too sensitive to laugh at.

As the posters says, it's an all Sinagporean Cabaret Show, so i guess only locals will be able to enjoy the show fully, for it manages to convey a lot of things so subtlely that foreigners might be a little lost.

The part that i enjoyed the most was the stand up comedy that Selena Tan did a quarter of the way into the show. She delivers her lines steadily and in a tone that just says "it is funny, now laugh.".

Another part was the OTTs, the Opposition Tai Tais. It's this opposition party set up by three Tai tais. The funniest part is when they decided to go into politics, and one of them exclaimed "but i don't think i look good in white." And when they go into the running of the party, one (Pam Oei) said "I'll be able to raise my daughter to take over my place." If you're Singaporean, you'll understand why i find it so funny.

Gage's commented that the show did not actually go any way, as in they do not have a specific issue. I agree partly, as this show is mainly about Singapore and the inconsequential stuff that we seem to take too seriously sometimes. And yet there's another level to the whole show, as it does bring up some issues (albeit briefly) that deserves our attention. But we should learn to relax, not all theatrical productions need to have a agenda or issue, sometimes it's just fun. So sit back and enjoy the show.

[Listening to: Maids in Heaven - Selena Tan - Dim Sum Dollies (03:28)]

Law.

Anyone remember the joke about the airstewardess?
The one where a passenger asked her what she did before becoming a stewardess, and her answer was "study law(lor)"

You must be wondering at this point where this joke is going, nowhere actually, except maybe that i'm trying to say that I wanna be able to say that. I saw Chak in business today, he's my sergeant from my NS days, a no nonsense, go get them kind of guy. He looked surprised to see me there, for he thought i was in NTU, when i said no, i'm in NUS, he asked where? i said Engineering and he went, i thought you were in Law?

After this short encounter, (we were in the loo), i started to think, "why am i not in law?" "i would give anything to go law" "i still wanna go law even after seeing how much work is involved." "i still wanna go law even if i'll be the odd one out" "i still wanna go law even if i'm going to be the worse student there". Felt kind of lousy. I finally realised that all that talk from me about being glad that i'm not in law is crap, given a choice i'll take law over engineering anyday.

Oh well, no use lamenting over choices i didn't make, hopefully writing this down will make me feel better.
You know what? It does.
Maybe if i keep telling myself that law isn't right for me, i might even start to believe it.

Slightly tired.

Short one today.

Stalker
Apparently i have a stalker. ( For more info please read the previous post's comments.) Okay, maybe not a stalker, but its still quite scary to have someone post on your blog that he/she saw you in school yesterday. At least i now know that he/she is in NUS too. Wonder who the person is. Scary. Think i should remove my pics soon.

School
School's not bad so far, just lack sleep. I've managed to catch less than 10 hours of sleep in the last two days, and school is still in its lull period. Die lah.

That's all, i think.
Oh yah, i caught a movie today, it's called "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.... ....And Spring". You can click on the title to go to the webpage for this movie. Its in Korean.
wanted to get the Jumbo Hotdog for the movie, but decided against it as i had to eat dinner afterwards.
Felt hungry half way through the show, probably a result of nachos with cheez (hey, that's how they spell it, i'm serious) on one side and a BK burger on the other. I was hungry when i finally got out of the theatre.

Ate Subway's Turkey ham Sandwich, had oatmeal and raisins cookie, nice.

Oh yah, realise that the my phone's vibrator (sounds funny) is spoiled. Probably need to get it a new one, otherwise it'll start complaining. Anyone with ideas where to get a vibrator? Grins.

1+1=10

First Day of School
That's what i learned during my first day of school.
Apparently 1+1=10
and 11+1=100.
I'm not lying, i swear that's what my professor was attempting to teach us during the two hour lecture.

Alright, so i'm not talking about the normal number system here, it's called the binary number system, would any ner... er i mean technically inclined person like to explain to the idio... er i mean technically disinclined people what it means?

If you were to notice the time at which this post was written, you notice that i've sacrificed my lunch hour for my derserving audience. Sigh, the things i do for my art.

Tutorials
Actually the reason I'm skipping lunch is simply because that i was busy doing my research for the tutorial slots i'm supposed to take up this semester, as everyone now knows, i'm endeavouring to acheive a 4 day week inspite of taking up 6 modules. And one of the modules being a language. Spent nearly an hour getting it correct. Hopefully things will turn out as i planned. Leaving me a day to relax and swim.

Time-Table
Frankly speaking, i think my time-table rocks, alright so i might have to skip lunch on Tuesdays and Fridays, and the latest i'm able to start is 9am, and the earliest i can finish is 4pm. Its worth it to reduce my commuting time. I still recall last semester when i had to come to school for a measly two hour lecture. Sigh, the time i spent to travel to and from school is greater than the time i actually spend learning.

Sigh, time for me to go and attend my next lecture, its japanese, so hopefully it'll be less boring.

Grouses

Be forewarned that this might turn out to be a very long post. It's my hundredth posts, so forgive me if I get carried away and start posting rubbish. Essentially this is a post about the things or people that have been bugging me recently, or has caused offence to me lately. This is for those people who have offended me knowingly or unwittingly.

School...
... starts tomorrow. And that comes with a whole plethora of grouses in itself.

Money...
...to buy text books with, to survive with, to spend with, is in short supply for me right now. No more restaurants, movies or shopping. My financial life is currently in a mess, i feel bad having to ask for money from my parents, yet i know it'll be near to impossible for me to survive on a measly 180 a month. So no more drinking, clubbing, shopping, movies till i have a comfortable buffer.

Money...
... I realised that i've been digging deeply into my "buy a handphone" fund. It now seems to me that the chances of me getting my phone anytime soon is quite dismal. The only way i'll be able to get it, is only if i survive on nothing but water and air for the next two months. Maybe i'll get my phone then, but knowing me, it probably won't happen.

Japanese...
.. taking jap1, wondering whether i've bitten off more than i can chew.

My computer...
...has chosen the weekend before school starts to act up, leaving me with a barely functioning machine. The only that works properly are MSN messenger, internet explorer and games. Not really the type of stuff you'll need in school. I hate my comp.

Fireworks...
... missed them, thanks to a friend who told me that it'll start at 9. You now who you are.

The Stupid Hairstylist...
...who gave me a dorky haircut. She's probably recieving a comission from the major hair products producers.

School...
School...
School...
...and the end of the days of slacking by the poolside.

Friends...
...who do not listen to me and prefer to do stuff their own way despite the fact that they're hurting themselves. (Actually it's only one friend.)

Friends...
...who i thought was close enough to share with me the fact that he has just gotten attached. But no, i had to hear from someone else.

Tuition...
...that is stretching my patience, i'm doing my best to help, yet it seems that all that i'm doing is in vain, for my charge had this tendency to avoid topics that he hates. (Actually we all do....)

Kinokuniya...
...for having a storewide sale.

Sembawang Music Store...
...for a lousy hiring policy.

My Love...
...who has no idea what's actually worrying me.

My Love...
...for being so busy.

My love...
...for being so nice to me.

My body...
... for being flabby.

Myself...
...for not being disciplined enough to actually lose weight.

Myself...
...for being so needy.

Myself...
...for being so selfish.

Myself...
...for being prone to bouts of depression.

Myself...
...for not daring to show it.

My world...
... for bring so fucked up.

My bio clock...
...for being out of sync.

Time...
...for being so fleeting.

Life...
...for being so aimless.

And most of all...

...Myself...
...for being such a bitch lately.

Booze

A band had to rest;
Lost a great hang out.

Met up with friends;
Had a great time.

Ordered some booze;
Someone got tipsy.

Walked around town;
Stopped before Justice.

Feeling a little peckish;
Had a quick snack.

Non-pretentious crowd,
Unpretending Fun.

Life

why can't my life be as interesting a sitcom?
A sitcom with witty diaglouge and gorgeous people.

1 b and 2 kks

Today i had a record of one bun and two kit kats for the whole day.
Woke up to an empty house, mom was out, and since i wasn't feeling hungry
 i decided to postpone lunch. I was suppose to meet someone later in the afternoon,
 so i thought i'll grab something to eat then.

Alas, it was not to be, things came up, and we had to cancel.
Appetite went into hiding, didn't feel like thinking,
went to sleep, woke up feeling lousy, tired and resigned.

===========================================

Disappointment - The Cranberries

Disappointment you shouldn't have done
You couldn't have done
You wouldn't have done
the things you did there
And we could 've been happy
What a piteous thing, a hideous thing
was tainted by the rest
But it won't get any harder
And I hope you'll find your way again
But it won't get any higher
But it all boils down to what you did there

In the night we fight, I feel you're right
It was exactly thereI decided
and drew you out
In the night we fight, I feel you're right
It was exactly thereI decided

But it won't get any harder
And I hope you'll find your way again
But it won't get any higher
But it all boils down to what you did there
Dissapointment

Compromise

A relationship will work only if there are compromises between both party.
But the compromises should not come only when one party gets angry.
Compromises cannot come from one party only.
Compromises are something that is best when given freely, not when it is extorted.
Extorted compromises normally don't last.

Looks, boobs & abs.

Looks matters.

Its a fact.

But you'll realise that looks can further be broken down into the face and the body.

If a person has the face but not the body, just cover up the body as much as possible.

With the body but not the face, expose as much of the body as legally possible.

Without the face nor body, two words, cosmetic surgery. actually make that three words, Major cosmetic surgery.

And finally, those with the body and the face, buy life insurance, since you'll most likely be the target of assasination by people belonging to the above three categories.

And truly finally, the delusional ones, those who belongs to the first three categories, but are convinced that they are actually in the fourth. Advice for this group? None, since no one will admit to belonging to this group anyway, but the rest of the world knows.

Think I'll go call my insurance agent now.

DISCLAIMER: The above post represents the view of the mind of Garion inc. In no way does it represent the actual views of Garion Inc. ( In actual fact, the abs are in depression, the biceps denial and the buttocks have locked themselves in their rooms.)

Ramblings

School...
...is starting in less than two weeks time. Not prepared.
Three whole months of playing and gallavanting around does not prepare you for the next semester.
Some people will say, "You should have taken the three months to prepare for the next semester's work."
BOLLOCKS!!!
The holidays are us to enjoy, or at the very least, suffer for money; it's not for us to prepare for the coming school term, balderdash. whoever uses their holidays in that way?
Here's looking forward to another semester of mugging and frantic note printing.

Alcohol...
...finally realised that alcohol comes in forms more enjoyable (and less calorie filled) than beer. I have no idea why some people enjoy beer so much. Its not that bad, but there are better ways to get drunk.
Wine is the way to go, although you are essentially drinking fermented grape juice. But beer is also essentially fermented wheat extract. In my opinion, fermented grape juice beats fermented wheat extract anytime.
One thing about wine is that there so many varieties, can seriously confuse a budding new wine drinker. Whereas beer is almost all the same except for stout and branding.

Books...
... got two books from the library, one is on mythology and the other is on the connection between science and religion. I'm inclined to believe that when they say religion, they mean Christianity (and the related religions), slightly skeptical, but if he can convince me, he can convince almost anyone.




Personally i still find it amazing how the Church once imprisoned a person for his belief that the Earth was not the center of the universe, simply because the Church interpreted the "Holy scriptures" in such a way that placed the Earth at the centre of the universe. But now that it has become a fact, the modern interpratation is in line with the scientific fact. You have to note that I'm not slamming the Bible, i'm slamming the people who decides what the Bible means. This is to me a classic example of how mortal interpratations might be misguided, and what they assume to be the concrete truth might turn out to be a mistake.

references: Galileo

The other book is on mythology. Isn't it amazing that what was once considered a important stories of a major religion are now called myths?

Think about it, and you'll see why i am not religious.

Slippers...
...Bought a pair of black slippers today, yay. They're from quiksilver. I just realise that i'm the type of person who'll buy something if its reasonably priced and good, regardless of what shop it is from. I do not mind shopping in a place which my friends label as gay, i endured through an entire week of an irritating lecture mate who kept calling my favored footwear gay slippers. The most interesting thing is that the same friend has now bought a pair of slippers from the same shop. I know who i am, and i'm not worried about labels others placed on me. i've been labeled gay, dao(proud in hokkien), nerd. And i just shrug them off, it's what i am inside that matters, not what i look like.

Shopping...
...has to stop. Have been doing too much shopping lately. I keep finding stuff (clothes and non-clothes) that i like and look good in( applicable to clothes only.), but the lack of money prevents me from buying them. I wonder if there's any job that will pay well with little work involved, or where can i find a sugar mommy to pay for my expenses?

Temper...
... been a bit bad lately, sorry to those who got the brunt of it this past week. especially sorry to you. (If you're reading this, you'll know i'm talking to you.)

Understanding...
...is a word that is easy to say, but difficult to acheive, no matter how understanding a person is, there are limits. I probably do not have that huge a limit, so forgive me for being tempermental last week. And thanks to those who listened to what i had to say.

Extras:
i started blogging at 10.20pm, i ended at 12.30am. interuptions and the length of this post contrived to keep me up beyond my bedtime, hopefully tomorrow morning would be sunny and nice for tanning.

Alone

Lonliness is a state of mind.
You can be with friends and still feel alone.
You can be by yourself and not feel alone.
Not everyone will understand.
There are those who are blessed,
with the ability not to feel lonely.
I hate those people.

Wildlife guide.

Common name: The Green Eyed Monster
Description: There are two sub species of the Green Eyed Monster. Feeline jealos and Feeline envios. They are similar with slight differences in the way they behave.
 
Scientific name: Feeline Jealos
Description: A predator that preys upon the insecure heart usually a heart that is in the condition described as "love". It sucks the happiness out of the victim, leaving the prey feeling unhappy and miserable. Can be warded off with affirming words and attention.
 
Scientific name: Feeline Envios
Description: A predator that preys upon the insecure or greedy heart. Similarly it leaves the victim feeling miserable and unhappy, and a sense of wanting too. Can be warded off by the following means: material provision; counselling; enlightenment.

DIS

Quite a few words start with the letters d, i, s. But my favourite two words are dislike and disappointments. And they will work best for me when used to together, e.g.:
 
dislikes disappointment. 

Imagine something that you have been anticipating eagerly, but at the very last moment the thing was cancelled, and you were the one who asked to cancelled it. For it was obvious that the other person felt that something else was more important. So you being the magnanimous one, cancels the thing, so that the other person can do the more important thing. Its probably the worst kind of disappointment.
 
Disappointment which you inflict on yourself to make others happy. What's worse is the shattering of the hope that they would reject your cancellation (essentially saying that you are more important.), reaffirming your standing in their eyes.

The simple fact that this post exists means one thing, I'm disappointed. Couldn't sleep for the thoughts running through my head, maybe writing this down would help, and i'll be able to sleep.

Great Day

i had a great day today. It began perfectly normal. I woke up, snoozed my alarm clock, and went back to sleep, and snoozed and slept till noon. And i woke up to the sound of my nephew giggling happily in the living room. So i got up, went into the living room (it was on the way to the loo), and saw him standing at the coffee table looking at the tv (note that i said looking and not watching.); the moment he saw me, he froze, covered his eyes with his hands (i was decently dressed).

Now for a little digression, am i that scary? I tried smiling, making funny faces, cajoling, even bribing (if my brother asks, it never happened.) But he just wouldn't smile or be friendly to me. I guess it must be the uncle aura that runs in my family, for we (siblings and cousins) used to be terrified of my uncle. My memories are a little fuzzy, but i knew i was terrified by him. (i still am, a little, but if people ask, i'm not.)

And it was naptime for him when i woke up, so no chance to play with him, not that he would have played with me. Heard that my sister-in-law had a little disagreement with my mum, glad that i'm not my brother.

I was supposed to meet someone important today, but the person cancelled at the last minute, RELIEF. Laughs, amazing how nervous a person can get when you have to meet someone important, simply because the person is important to someone whose important to you. For example: meeting the best friends of your girlfriend/boyfriend; meeting the parents; etcetra.

So i hanged out with someone else instead, had dinner at a place called "fisherman's village." Uber cool, it's by the beach. SO, fans and air-conditioning stand one side, sea breeze is the ultimate when it comes to dining in cool comfort. It was great to just enjoy the breeze, food is optional. reminded me of Redang. *sigh*

Played at the play-ground near the place. and the play-ground was uber cool too. IT had the WORKS. and it had this spinning disc thingy that resulted in a feeling of wooziness after taking a spin (literally) on it.

The best part was at the end, when we decided to pop into coffee bean to chill. We saw that the cakes were having a 20 percent discount so we decided to order a cake. Then we decided to get a drink, but the drinks that we wanted were all not available( out of the powder was the reason), so we settled for a tea latte instead. And here comes the good part, we got two slices of cake for the price of one(don't forget the discount) next we a regular drink at the price of a small drink. wow. wasn't that nice?

The cake was a cheese cake. it had three types of cheese cake in it, regular, mocha and oreo. Wow, it was nice. but one slice was probably more than enough, because we were unable to finish everything. What a waste. It's probably what they mean when they say, "too much of a good thing.".

PERIOD

Burnt, Sun Burnt.

That sounded like a cheap rip-off of "Bond, James Bond"; wait, it is a cheap rip-off. Went swimming today, pool was crowded (irritating), deck chairs all taken. I guess this will happen when the sun finally decides to show itself after two days of absence. I swam a little, and i was quick to scamper out of the pool when i noticed an empty deckchair. But i only spent an hour tanning, since the Sun was very strong, and i didn't want to get too crisp.

I've finally decided to learn more about wines, an interest that i've never bothered to follow up on. Now I hope to at least know the difference between a Chardonnay and a Sauvignon. However it's an interest that will not be actively pursued in the near future; the cost of a bottle of fine wine is enough to set me back at least a week's pay(when i start working that is.) looks like i have to stick to the bargain wines for the time being.

Was at Taka, they have this wine shop in the basement, when i saw this set of silver(?) corkscrew and stopper set. It would have been cool if the head of the stoppers were nicer. The heads were literally heads of certain animals moulded out of metal. SO ugly.

I said something when we were walking around, and my fren suggested that i make it a post. So here it is:

they either hire authentic or pretty.

The story behind that remark is that we were walking around the Korean food stalls in the basement, and the food stores were being manned by Koreans. Next we passed by a stall selling Korean tea (its not that nice, as my friend put it, it taste like jam mixed with water) and the promoters were all pretty young things. So my friend commented that they are all quite pretty. And the line just came out of my mouth. Unintentional but true nontheless.

Do not tell me that looks are not important, they are; and i'm justified in trying to look better, since i do not have the smarts, i'll have to try depending on my looks. So it's not being vain, it's a form of investment.

W(h)ine

As should be obvious by now, this is going to be a whine about wine. I feel like drinking. Wine to be exact. Just realised that 7-eleven does sell wine; in small bottles and costing approximately six bucks each. Yes, i went there to take a look at booze -ah, the convinience of having a convinience store nearby-, was thinking of getting a drink, but thought better of it. Nothing is worse than drinking alone. So i brought green(grin) tea instead. I still feel like drinking; eventhough i do not have a good head for liquer; but isn't that better? I can get drunk without having to drink alot. Yeah!!! Hooray for being a bad drinker.

Grouchy

Been in a grouchy mood the pass two days. Got me to start thinking as to why a person can get grouchy? And after extensive thought - all five minutes-, I've decided it might be due to:

1. Not enough exercise.
2. Financial problems.
3. Relationship problems.
4. Missing someone.
5. Boredom.
6. Not getting enough...
7. PMS -this applies only to a select denographics-
8. Arguements

I know that this list is not exhaustive; but it is all i could think of.

Newest member....

...of the Ng family.

Went down to Thompson Medical center to see the her and her mum. She was sleepy when i got there, don't really know what to do, because i'm helpless with new born babies, for they look so tiny and fragile, and i'll freak the moment they start to cry, another reason why i should never attempt fatherhood.

Got to see the little rascal, still as naughty as ever. He was running in and out of the room getting the brochures for his mommy, despite the fact that his mom didn't want anymore brochure, for he was doing that the whole of yesterday from what i hear.

The moment i got into the room, he just stared at me, like i'm a monster. haha. the he start to back away, but i chased after him and within moments he was smiling again.

He never ceases to amaze me with his ability to learn. His aunt (on the mother side) gave him a cracker to eat, and they were all like asking him to share, initially i thought he wouldn't (since IT is food), but he willingly offered to the cracker to anyone who wanted it. Then my mom (his grandma) wanted to see what it taste like, so she ask whether she can take a piece, and she proceeded to break off a small corner. when my mum asked him whether he could give ah ma, he tried to break off a corner instead of offering the whole cracker. Although the cracker he gave was nothing mre than crumbs, the fact is that he is willing to share. hee....

Update.

A news flash on what has been happening in my life.

One word. NOTHING.

Absolutely boring.

Haha. Actually that's not totally true. I managed to squeeze in some swimming, some tanning in between my periods of utter inactivity.

The most exciting thing to happen to me recently?

I bought a quilt. oooo.... So comfortable. Just imagine, air conditioner is running, and you are snuggling under the quilt... Nice.

Certain someone I know is busy this week, but the week is almost over, so its not too bad. :)

Managed to get back some color.

Today I went for a swim and then to get my hair cut.

The swim was nice, but was feeling tired, had to stop after 8 laps, must be all that heavy lifting yesterday. Then went to tan for a short while, and I fell asleep, hope I did not snore, it'll be so embarrassing. and the deck chairs at public pools are damn atrocious, i forgot to bring a big towel today, and i had to lie on the oily deck chair. bleah.

I headed down to bishan to get a haircut after the swim. My friend's god-sister (am I correct?) is working at a salon there, so I asked him to bring me there. The hair cut quite nice, and its not that expensive, a wash plus cut plus blow-dry plus style only cost me 15 bucks. And the most important thing is that I look good with my new haircut.

while I was at bishan, I saw the starhub roadshow, the phone I want was going for $298 without trade-in, and I didn't get it, since my existing contract with M1 is still in effect. Sigh, hope I won't regret my decision.

But as I saw that, and I thought, if a couple were to both get free incoming calls plans, I wonder who will call who? haha. Interesting question eh?

Went to help Gage move into his new room, he's upgraded from a twin sharing to a single room. It was fun, since the actual shifting was done only in the evening after dinner. Essentially the day consisted of shopping in the afternoon, then dinner, then we went to his new hostel room.

One thing to complain about , the two bitches made me wait for a whole hour. We were suppose to meet at 10.30, and I dragged myself there only to receive smses from them telling me that they were gonna be late.

Other than that the day was fun. We went to ikea, then queensways. Then headed to choon sze's place for dinner, his parents cooked spaghetti, and it was very nice. Next we headed to NTU to start the moving, and it was quite fun, despite the dust and everything.

Hee, one more month before school starts. one more month to waste. yeah.

New layout ... Again...

Haven't been updating here for a long time.
Too Zee to update, laZeee and beZee.
Wow, that was lame.

This new layout is hereby named, "Zebra".
Hee.
Avid followers of my blog will noticed that there is no longer any music.
Reason? laziness on my part.

The background is done by myself, nice?

Hmmm...
updates on my life?
nothing much, getting fatter, lazier and thankfully less busy....

The best thing to happen to me recently? i'm now using cable. and i got an mp3 player
for free. however a tiny little detail served to upset this little good thing, Bloody starhub is now offering the mp3 player together with a free cable modem, damn, if only i had waited.

what else?

i have this craving for soup. hee.
with luck, i'll be able satiate this craving of mine on saturday.

Big ass, looking young, Lawyers, ignored.

Saw a gigantic ass at TPY pool on Sunday. it probably wouldn't have been that striking if the lady had chose to wear a swimsuit that wasn't bright blue with yellow dots.

This was the view that i had.

scary ain't it?

Today, someone at work commented that i look young, wonder if i should be glad? she might mean that i look childish, but on the other hand she said i look 20, which isn't tt far off. At least she never say i look this age.



Just watched Laws of attraction, and something Pierce Brosnan said in the show really amused me. "Lawyers are scum, and Divorce Lawyers are the fungi that grows below the scum."

Somehow, lawyers have a bad reputation. Just take a look at this comic.


or is the bad reputation justified? I do not think so, but i might be biased, since i've always wanted to become a lawyer.

But one thing i do not desired is to be ignored on the phone, makes me feel stupid.

Coin

The flip side of the coin:
not so long ago i was sitting for my exams,
now, i'm an invigilator.
wonder if i looked as funny as the people i'm invigilating.

Now, i know know first hand that invigilation is a horribly boring job, imagine, hours spent silent, not talking, and the only thing you get to do is look at 20 odd persons struggling with their paper. And nobody even attempted to cheat, no exciting story of me catching a cheater from me.

The most interesting thing that happened during the whole time is this lady who gave me quite a scare, she got the time, the venue correct, but the wrong date. Sigh, worried me for a moment as i tried to figure out what was wrong.

Penny for my thoughts:
Getting old, skin no longer as good as it was.
I used to spend at most 10 bucks a month on facial products,
nowadays, i seem to be spending more than double that on skin care a month.
Sigh, an unfortunate side effect of getting old.

Grow old with you.

I wanna grow old with you.

Rewind button

How i wish that life has a rewind button, so that i wouldn't hurt someone with my thoughtless words.

非比尋常

菲's concert was great. Although she's singing live, her performance is exactly the same as that you'll find from her recordings. (okay, there might have been a few glitches, but she's human too.) And the quality remains even towards the end.







I've once heard someone comment that going to her concert is like listening to her albums at home, since she performs with her voice only, no dancing or dancers, no banter. She there to sing and sing only, to bring euphoria to everyone who attends with her singing. But this time round i noticed that she made an effort to entertain, talking not once but twice to the audience. (haha) and attempting to dance in between the singing. But she's most entrancing when she's concentrating on singing perfectly, and making it seem so effortless.






She was so cute when she got the lyrics to 只愛陌生人 wrong, maybe she was so caught up in getting the audience to clap the beat that she couldn't concentrate on the song. When she realised she got it wrong, she bent over saying, "唱錯了" and laughing. (haha) she started over and did a good job. Another one was when she just finished 冷戰 (which to be fair was in cantonese) and she began talking (the second time!!!!!) in cantonese without realising it. I could understand a little bit of what she was talking about, but my friend couldn't. Then someone in the audience shouted "王菲,講國語." and her face was of puzzlement first, then she realised she was in Singapore and she scolded herself "我神經了,竟然用廣東話." with the audience laughing at her being so candid on stage. haha.







It was an enjoyable experience, but the next time round, i would try to get better seats, cause the area where i was sitting was so dead, nobody showed any enthusiasm, except for me, my friend and the guy behind us. haha.





the above pictures are courtesy of Lajabor!

Faye Wong

I'm going to watch Faye live in concert tonight. Hee. excited. It's going to be the second time that i'll see her in person this year(albeit from a distance.), the first time i saw her was at PS. Initially I wasn't really interested in going since i was broke, and the only seats left are those in the S$100++ range, which i wasn't really keen on. Although it would be cool to see Faye up close, i do not think it would be worth it.

And i think i was lucky to be able to actually secure a pair of tickets. It's all thanks to my friend, whose friend was helping her friend(or is that cousin) to sell tickets. (messy eh?) And i managed to get the tickets cheaper than usual. Not much cheaper, but enough to make me part with my money. Another deciding factor is that someone has never been to this sort of concert, so i'm glad that i'll be the first one the person go to a concert with. The only thing i'm worried about is that the seats are quite far from the stage, but i'm still positive that it'll be a good experience for the both of us.

Finally, i'll get to attend one of Faye's concerts. It's been my dream since 1999 when she came to singapore to hold her first concert here. I do not know why i'm so smitten with her, i think its her talent, voice, beauty. Wonder why the men in her life treat her so? Dou wei and Nic tse are idiots for giving her up. Sigh, let's think happy thoughts, i'll get to see her soon.

Desperate

I'm finally gonna be free of singnet broadband. My contract with them is finally over. Last night i started the procedure that will terminate my account with singnet. And an interesting happened this very afternoon.

They called.
[What follows is an approximation of the actual conversation]

Singnet: Might i inquire the reason for the termination of our services?

ME: Erm, i'm changing to another Provider.

Singnet: But why are you changing? Speed? Price?

Me: Both.

Singnet: are u aware that we have a 1500kbps service also?

ME: oh?

Singnet: And if the price is a problem, we have a special promotional package for you. we'll charge you less for the 512kbps service, and give you three months free.

[Further crap from both, ending with a vague "i'll call you if i'm interested from me."]

Lesson learnt: If you want a better deal from singnet/singtel, threaten to terminate their services. they offer better terms to you.

To clarify further doubts: if you're thinking if the terms are better, why don't i take up the offer? There are other factors involved, and i'm not at liberty to reveal the reasons here. Let's just say a change of provider is better for me.

Which provider am i switching to? Starhub seems to be the better deal. Looks like singtel has just lost another customer to Starhub.

the following logos are trademarks of the companies mentioned in the post.

Expectation

when a romance starts, average reply time of an sms is 2 min or never
when a romance stablised, average reply time is 20 min or never
when a romance stagnant, average reply time is 200 min or never
when romance is gone, average reply time is never...

when a romance starts, we get delighted when we receive the reply
when a romance stablised, we get piss when we dun receive immediate reply
when a romance stagnant, we dun even sms or reply
when the romance is gone, we get piss when we receive sms from the person

Got this from Jave.
It's so funny and so sad.
I hope i'll never experience a stagnant romance.

Love, me.

Love, Me
Collin Raye

I read a note my grandma wrote
Back in nineteen twenty-three
Grandpa kept it in his coat,
And he showed it once to me

He said, "Boy, you might not understand,
But a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none,
But I loved your Grandma so"

We had this crazy plan
To meet and run away together
Get married
In the first town we came to,
And live forever
But nailed to the tree
Where we were supposed to meet,
Instead
I found this letter,
And this is what it said

If you get there before I do,
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you
When my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see
And between now and then,
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you. Love, me

I read those words
Just hours before
My Grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church
Where me and Grandpa
Stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry
In all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her,
His eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do,
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you
When my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see
And between now and then,
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, me
Between now and then,
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, me

Love is a wonderful thing, but is it ever worth dying over love? I might never understand how bad my friend feels at this point. I'm lucky in that relationships have been easy for me, there has never been a point when i felt that i'm unhappy in the relationship, but i do not wish to end it, for i've loved too deeply. Its true that i've not been in many realtionships, but if i were to have my heart broken this time, i'll cry, and stand up and live my life, i would never consider suicide as a way to keep someone's heart, for i believe if i love someone, i would never hurt that person by killing myself, and if my death won't affect that person, that person is hardly worth me killing myself?

Now, i'm going to listen to the song again, and think about how blessed i am to find true love in this day and age, and in the place where i least expect it.

Acceptance

What is acceptance?


I finally got to watch "shrek 2". It has been a lot time since i had such a good laugh. Especially Puss in boots, he really cracks me up. With his over the top ass-licking (and kicking) and puppy dog eyes, and the accent, which señor/señora can resist? Not an ogre that's for sure.

Oh, back to acceptance. What has the show got to do with acceptance? The show shows a form of acceptance that is all embracing. How else would a princess be able to accept an ogre as a husband? And for the King and Queen to show acceptance for them, and for the Queen to accept the King even though he's a frog. And what's the underlying reason for all this acceptance? Love. Sigh, but can love truly conquer all?



American Idol is coming to an end. And it's a show down between Fantasia and Diana. Personally i think if Latoya is in the finals, it would be a much much easy choice. For me at least.

Acceptance in American Idol is a strange and whimsical thing. Note: i equate votes for the contestants as acceptance by the American voters. I mean, talented and beautiful, yet Latoya still got voted off. Fat lips and fat tummy got into the finals, they have the talent, but isn't an idol suppose to be someone you aspire to? So shouldn't they at least look good? And you can tell that i'm not the only one who thinks this way in Singapore, from the smses running at the bottom of the screen (yes, i read them, and i find them interesting.). There are messages who put down one contestant in support of the other. Interesting, so you are supporting Diana because Fantasia looks like a "duck", and you're supporting Fantasia because Diana is "loud and screechy"?

To be fair there are those who try to be politically correct and say that they support because she has a great voice, or that she's a good performer. Yah right, if they made it there, they have the talent. DUH.

::Fantasia won. She's the new American Idol.::

Yup, i started typing during the show, and the results came out as i was typing.

Sidenote: but it is also interesting to see the amount of people who use the text message system as a way to express their love, and those who are so obviously ass licking to try and win the vouchers. The things people will do.

Choices

Today, i recieved the result of the streaming exercise. I managed to get into electrical engineering. Eventhough it is my preferred choice, i am not really all that estactical about it. For a simple reason. I do not wish to become an engineer of any kind. neither electrical nor biological. I'm struggling even with my first year's workload. Maths that i have trouble understanding, physics that i loathe to comprehend. Seriously, i do not think that i'll ever become anything more than a adequate engineer.

I cringe whenever i think of myself as an engineer, i would not trust any product that emerges from my hands, for fear that it will explode in my face even as i'm using it. i chose engineering simply because it is a "professional" degree, not out of any real interest on my part. And that engineering might be able to support my future extravagant lifestyle. And of course, a degree is what everyone works towards. Isn't that what the singapore government advocates?

I'm pretty much a product of the Singapore education system. i work towards the goals that the government wants us to achieve. A Degree in engineering. Sigh. I feel so used. Yet i cannot be ungrateful, for without the government's "help" i probably won't be sitting here typing this. And i would not have the dream of being an author. To bring a little bit of escapism to people's drudge of a life.