Today

I felt really happy today. i enjoyed myself totally. I never realised how much you can miss a friend who's been away. Even though he is irritating and gets on my nerves from time to time.

I really had a great time today, from badminton, to dinner, to talking in the cosy Happy Days (Daze?). It really feels like mukashi again. I miss being able to talk to the two person I trust most, at the same time.

I know some people will say, there's always the internet and MSN messenger, but it just quite feel the same. When I talk to someone, I like to talk to the person face to face. Even talking on the phone feels weird to me.

We talk about a great many things, from things such as sex drive to topics such as religion. I believe that faith is something that cannot be forced, yet I'm quite amazed at how much a difference it can actually make in a person. Yet i cannot forsee following any religion. I guess in a way, I just do not have the faith to believe. Skepticism has already become the way I live my life.

I wish to believe too, yet I believe that I should not believe for any other reason other than that I believe. Not for her, not for anyone, but for myself. For those who have yet to figure out, she's christian, and although she has never tried to get me to convert, I know that it's her greatest wish to see the person she loves to have the same set of values too. I would love to do that, but i cannot do that while my own mind is shouting at me everytime I attempt to try and understand.

So far, I've seen it as a threat, a farce or simply a difference of opinion. I'm envious of those who can believe so unwaveringly, but at the same time, I know that is not the path for me. I guess I'll need to carve out my own spiritual path, for the threaded paths are not for me.

Right now, I'm simply struggling with the idea of God. The idea of a benevolent God strikes me as being impossible. For the same God is also the one who demanded sacrifices.

And the idea of holy scriptures be it the Koran, the bible or any other religious scripture. I cannot understand why people are able to believe so undoubtingly the truth of the book. For to me, a book is imperfect, contact with humans over time changes the book, the interpretation of books changes with time. I can only say that it's because of faith, that people are able to believe in such books so unwaveringly, and i guess the reason for my skepticism is that I've lost my faith at some point in the past. I simply cannot accept something on faith alone, especially something that tells of miracles and angels.