10 years ago,I said "yes". Without the required maturity, full of naivety, I never realized what would have resulted from that simple "yes". I never realized what it really meant to say "yes" back then, never really understood the courage that was required to say "yes". It just felt right at that time, no second thoughts, no hesitation.
Along the way, I got lost, uncertain, wondering if there was something else for me out there. In this one year, I learnt lots of things, experiencing good and bad things in my life, made new friends, but there was always something missing.
4422 days from that day, I have returned to the same decision. But this time, I know what I want, I know what I need to do. And that is to see you happy, with or without me.
25 March 2014
22 March 2014
21 March 2014
10 March 2014
Bear and Hare
Like the bear and the hare, you will get together with someone who is different from you.
During summer, everything will be fine, life will be good.
But once winter come around, that's when the differences will matter.
Can you be with someone who cannot be there when you need the person the most?
Can you be with someone who has a different way of coping with winter from you?
Are you willing to compromise, even if it means that you will suffer?
When I'm feeling really down, I will think that my chance at happiness has passed.
Because I couldn't settle down, because I wanted everything my way.
Because I wanted more...
When I'm feeling down, I really wished that I haven't made certain decisions in my life.
Hate to be the bear that always wants to hibernate when winter rolls around, keeping the hare from exploring the world, keeping the hare close to the den.
I guess in the end, bears are meant to hibernate alone...
And hares are meant to never stop moving...
During summer, everything will be fine, life will be good.
But once winter come around, that's when the differences will matter.
Can you be with someone who cannot be there when you need the person the most?
Can you be with someone who has a different way of coping with winter from you?
Are you willing to compromise, even if it means that you will suffer?
When I'm feeling really down, I will think that my chance at happiness has passed.
Because I couldn't settle down, because I wanted everything my way.
Because I wanted more...
When I'm feeling down, I really wished that I haven't made certain decisions in my life.
Hate to be the bear that always wants to hibernate when winter rolls around, keeping the hare from exploring the world, keeping the hare close to the den.
I guess in the end, bears are meant to hibernate alone...
And hares are meant to never stop moving...
28 February 2014
Floating
Sometimes, I feel that I'm floating...
... anchor-less and adrift all by myself...
... in a great big world.
And I would start thinking...
... where am I headed now without you...
... in this great big world.
Or I could begin reminiscing...
... the good old days with you by my side...
... in our great big world.
But I should stop fantasizing...
... about hugging you once more, leaving you...
... to your own big world.
So I do stop dreaming...
... of what could have been, leaving us each...
... with our own big world
10 February 2014
Courage
There are some people in my life that I could never understand.
They can give up everything, uproot their lives and move to where they think happiness is waiting for them.
And they can do it twice.
And even when it doesn't work out, they never give up hope, and strikes up a relationship with someone who lives half a world away.
Eventually they find happiness half a world away and I'm happy for them.
I never understood where they find the courage to do what they did. I can barely muster enough courage to tell someone that I like them. (And failing miserably at that.)
I hate how my heart wavers and begins to fall so easily at times.
I hate how you seem to be the one for me, yet there's something holding me back.
I hate how much of a coward I am.
I am so afraid of getting hurt, I am so afraid of taking the next step, I just want to retreat back into the comfort of the past.
But I guess that's no longer possible, the only thing to do is to face forward and march on.
I hate how you seem to be the one for me, yet there's something holding me back.
I hate how much of a coward I am.
I am so afraid of getting hurt, I am so afraid of taking the next step, I just want to retreat back into the comfort of the past.
But I guess that's no longer possible, the only thing to do is to face forward and march on.
1 January 2014
2013
2013. A year like no other, the year where my live turned upside down.
A year where love seemed to be for others.
In the first hour of 2014, someone asked me, "Do you see a future with B?"
It got me thinking, what is the future? How far ahead am I supposed to think?
In my previous relationship, I always thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Working together for things that are important to us. I thought we would grow old together.
When I'm asked this question, my only thought is "what future?" Nothing lasts. People change. People make mistakes. People move on.
Perhaps I'm just a bit wary of investing too much emotionally, never knowing when things will change.
Or perhaps I was just forcing myself to move on.
Future? Let's just see what will happen this year.
Perhaps I'm just a fool in the end, still stuck while going through a facsimile of living my life...
PS: on a happier note, I'm really glad to see both new couples forming, and couples finally working out their differences and of course those that have always been an inspiration to me from within my group of friends.
My resolution in 2014, to be myself, to no longer be a fool.
A year where love seemed to be for others.
In the first hour of 2014, someone asked me, "Do you see a future with B?"
It got me thinking, what is the future? How far ahead am I supposed to think?
In my previous relationship, I always thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. Working together for things that are important to us. I thought we would grow old together.
When I'm asked this question, my only thought is "what future?" Nothing lasts. People change. People make mistakes. People move on.
Perhaps I'm just a bit wary of investing too much emotionally, never knowing when things will change.
Or perhaps I was just forcing myself to move on.
Future? Let's just see what will happen this year.
Perhaps I'm just a fool in the end, still stuck while going through a facsimile of living my life...
PS: on a happier note, I'm really glad to see both new couples forming, and couples finally working out their differences and of course those that have always been an inspiration to me from within my group of friends.
My resolution in 2014, to be myself, to no longer be a fool.
10 December 2013
Flux
The world is in a state of flux. Things will change. Whether the change is for the better or worse is up to the individual to determine.
Without change, there will be no new experiences, no new challenges, no new loves.
An example would be the recent change of my Bangkok trip to Perth instead. I could have focused on the negative aspect of the trip, instead of focusing on my new experience.
I could have complained that I got terribly sun burnt, that we stayed in a hotel with sub standard service, that the shops in Perth close way too early, that we went for a boat ride in freezing weather without jackets, that I had to wake up super early just for gym!
But I view each and every single issue as a great experience.
Being sun burnt meant that we were lucky enough to have plenty of sunshine for the duration of our trip.
Substandard service standards? Got to see how my travel companions dealt with such standards, and learnt how to communicate with service staff that weren't fantastic.
Because shops closed so early, got a chance to know that my friend is actually a fantastic cook, also learnt that he sets high standards for himself in a lot of things.
Enjoying the experience of suffering the cold together, and how we promptly forgot how cold it was once the dolphins were spotted.
Waking up early for gym... well I got to go to the gym.
Without this last minute change in the destination, I would not have had a chance to
- Drive a Volkswagen Golf and learning that I love it
- Experience what it is like to drive close to 3 hours non-stop
- Explore the inside of a beautiful cave
- Learn that the iPhone flash works well as a light source for photos in caves
- Learn that I have arms long enough to make a selfie not look like a selfie
- Learn that Facetime now works on cellular network
- Know that I can wake up at 5am for a 6am RPM class and still survive a 5 hour flight home
- Know that my friends actually know me pretty well
- Know that I can be super lame with my friends
- Learn that someone gets super talkative once he gets high
- and that he is super angst-y when driving
Things change, we just have to manage the change and look for the enjoyable moments in each and every single change.
14 October 2013
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