I'm thinking that citrus cool listerine really burns, how fat I am, and how much i wish i could just lose another 5 kg. I'm glad and worried that i'm taking japanese language lessons this coming semester. I'm also thinking about whether I'm really a good looking person or is it just because the people i know have a low criteria.
I'm also thinking about how little I've actually accomplished in my 22 years. I don't know how to play any musical instruments, nor am i good at sports, nor do i have any academic accomplishments. Socially, I'm a forced extrovert who finds it hard to make friends. I've no business acumen, not that i have the drive to start my own business. I'm still dependent on my parents for almost everything. The only thing i might be proud of is my looks and height, but I'm only an above average at best, and it's more the accomplishments of my parents than me. About the only other thing i can be proud of is that I have you.
But the conversation i had with a friend is still fresh in my mind. We got onto the topic of kids, and I said that I don't want to have kids, and he asked why. I gave the reason that kids are just a financial burden, I must have appeared like selfish prick. But i can't possibly give the actual reason why I don't forsee kids in my future. After that he asked a very good question of me, he asked whether we had common interests. I answered yes, but i wonder. I wonder how many marriages without children actually work out. I wonder if it's fair to the children to be brought into the world to become the glue in a relationship. So I'm always worried at what time might do to this relationship.
When you're a successful, beautiful and desirable lawyer, would you still want me?
1 comment:
i am shocked to have read ur latest post.
when have u become so shallow?
if u decode the post, it's all about looks.
spend ur time on how to improve urself. instead of letting these things eat u inside out.
remember. good looking people shldnt spend much time on worrying if they are handsome or not. there are better things to do.
also, if i am the lawyer, this insecurity is a turn off.
c'mon.. u have ur own good.
tt's why u qualify as a fren of Gage.
i hope this is a just a phase.
and i wanna say i understand why u feel these things.
so i allow one day of such self pity.
after that, snap out of it!
and start to work on how u can keep pace with this lawyer. instead of wishing that u will still be wanted when the lawyer is successful, beautiful and desirable.
lots of love from Thailand
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