Sleepless

Have you ever realised how long a year can be? Have you ever thought of how much a person can change in a year? These were the thoughts running through my mind as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Drowning out all other thoughts, and any ability to sleep.

I've finally met someone, someone who was once important in your life, he looks different you said, in a tone full of wistful regret. Regret at your letting go? Regret at the way he is wasting away? I do not know. You say that what you had with him is over, yet you can never forget him, for you are not someone who can just let go of memories so easily. Yet in him, I saw how much a person can change, what would you see as you look at me when you return? An ignorant boy trying to take on the role of a man?

I know you wish that I could be there with you. I wish I could be there with you, but there are things that we wish for but will never come true. There is no doubt about the feelings we have, yet people do change. And how much would you change? how much would I change?

I've said to a friend that long distance relationships are difficult, and now, that person has uttered the exact same words back to me. I know I am making a right decision. I have to let you go.

The year that we've had together went by so quickly that it felt as though we've only just met. I remember where we had our first meal together, at a japanese restaurant, slurping down ramen together. Having ramen on New Years day together. Countless bentos shared in town. Meals at sushi bars. Japanese meals that we've had in school. The tasteless miso soup we had. The countless forays into Muji and kinokuniya. Shopping at Japanese supermarkets, wowed by the sheer ingenuity of their products. But soon, we'll be seperated by Japan, a place that brought us together.

I cannot imagine a year without you, without your silliness, without your insatiable appetite for all things japanese. Would you remain the same when you return? would a year in Japan change you?

What we have should be strong enough to weather this, but knowing this does not lessen how much I'll miss you.

You came into my life recently and I can't do without you anymore.

I sleep better now, putting such thoughts out of my mind, savoring every moment I have with you before you go away.

They say absence make the heart grows fonder,
I wish I didn't have this chance to prove it.