Smile

Apparently having a fully packed timetable is not that good. At the very least not to someone who's used to slacking his way through school. It feels weird in that way, and i do not have a CCA as yet, imagine if i were to be involved with a CCA, together with school and tuition, i'm pretty sure i'll start to resemble a zombie. Any other reason for not wanting a CCA? I'm just not interested, or i'm not good enough, or it costs too much. The few thing that catches my interest tends to be heavy on equipment or it's not available in school. Hmm, i think there is a literary group in NUS somewhere, yet i fear i'm not good enough.

It's just me, i fear therefore i abstain. Therefore my life is a bit dry and boring, sigh, need to get out more as the sbstransit ad says.

Writing is a passion for me, hopefully regular readers of this blog can tell this by now. I like to write, but i have yet to decide what direction i'm going into. Fantasy? Escapism. Contemporary? normal. Thriller? Not interested. Horror? I'll sleep with my lights on. (hee, not true lah, i not that much of a wuss.) My life Story? Lack of materials.

Basically i think i've managed to narrow down what my problem is. My experiences are lacking. In order to write convincingly, you need to experience the place at least. Otherwise there is no authencity. It's like asking a blind man to describe a flower just by looking at it. Similarly experience is the extra sensory organ that a writer needs. Just think about it, would you be able to describe a place you've never been to?

The only substitute will be imagination, but there is only so far that imagination can go. In order to have others visualize what you are seeing, you need to supply them with references to the real world. ie, "the grass green ant-like humonoid." In that short phrase itself, there are three references to experiences. Someone who has never seen(experienced) an ant who not be able to describe in such a succint manner and yet conveying the essential idea across. He might instead describe it as " a grass green humanoid with pincer like mouth, two antennae above its bug like eyes". That sentence include even more references to the experience of the writer, he has to know what a bug is, what antennae are.

The point i'm trying to make is that writing well is based much on experiences. Just imagine if you were to ask someone who has never left Singapore to describe London, he'll probably only be able to describe it using the terms that he has heard from someone else, it is a vicarious expreience, he would never know what it feels like to stand in the fog, listening to the chiming of Big Ben. (i've never been to london, so i really do not know what it feels like.)

Ask me to describe Singapore, and i'll be able to give you a fair description, but the details is in the feelings. You can describe a place but you can never feel a place untill you've been there.

Ask me to describe Redang, and it is a feeling of happiness and relaxation, its true that there were some wistful moments on my part. I can never accurately describe the sea beach and corals nor the feelings if i've never been there.

So what am i trying to say?
A good piece of writing can be based on feelings, for feelings are universal, when you say happy, most people will know what you are feeling. But to accurate describe your feelings, you need to experience. No wonder they say that those who has had a difficult love life, tend to be able to write the best sad love songs, and those who are happily in love are those who can write the best soppy love songs. Because human respond to emotions, but the emotions have to be genuine, for we have the capability to feel(the word again) whether it is true or just a forced imagined feeling.

Long post, need to keep my writing skills in practice, so i wrote a little more than i intended. today was an ad-hoc thingy, i typed as i thought, so if it feels a bit flighty, forgive me.

Drought's over(?)

The drought has beaten a temporary retreat. There was a day-long shower on Saturday, despite lightning towards the end, the plant wasn't threatened, and the plant is now well watered. Just need a bit more fertilizer though, sigh.

Love

Time is to love,
what water is to a plant.
Too much will drown it,
to little causes it to wither.

Different plants have requires different amount of water.
but I am not looking for a cactus,
which only requires watering infrequently.
Neither am i looking for a hyacinth.

I just want an orchid.

You said that things will become better when the term starts.
it hasn't.
You looked foward to school to occupy my time.
it isn't

I still want spend time with you despite my workload.
it's not so.
Everything seems so important to you.
but not me.

I haven't been seeing you much,
it is true.
i guess i'll see you even less in the future.
...

Mister Cellophane

If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm
And shook his leg
You'd notice him

If someone in a movie show
Yelled "fire in the second row,
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should
be
Invisisble, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
walk right by me
And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your
ears?
You'd notice him

Supoose you was a woman wed
And sleepin' in a double bed beside a man for seven years
You'd notice him

A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk , you're bound to see
him there

Unless that human being next to you
Is unimpressive, undistingueshed
You know who. . .

Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'im there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there

Bitch

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

[Chorus:]
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Growing Up

Growing Up is a painful process. Where you have to start thinking about what you want and not what your friends wants. Is it selfish to think of yourself? Or is it more selfish to think of others' needs and neglect your own? Or in mandarin, ni dui de qi zhi ji ma?

I enjoy talking to my group of secondary school friends, for they are the ones who provide me with depth, they are the ones who allows me to express myself, they are the one who expand on, comment and criticises my ideas and ideals. Different people manage to bring different perspective into my life, ranging from religious to plain domestic.

Others might think that i'm a shallow vain person, but i know that my friends know otherwise. They know that vainity is really me, and yet it is also an act.

Dinner was great for more than just the food, ideas, gossips and concerns get exchanged, and it makes the meal more than just physically filling, it is also intellectually satisfying.

Have i lost it?

I used to make you smile,
Just by hanging around.
Seeing you just a while,
hearing your every sound.

Doing what used to charm,
Doesn't seem to be the way,
Seems i am doing more harm,
More helpless i feel, day by day.

Have i lost it?
The key to your heart.

No longer do i feel,
Your joy on seeing me.
I know not how to deal.
The worries i see.

I wonder if it'll be better,
For you at the very least.
To break chain and fetter.
Linking you to this beast.

Funny...

Just saw this scene on tv just now. I find it funny, so i thought i'll write it down.

In this scene, Adrian Pang is the husband and Quan Yifeng is the wife. Apparently Yifeng thinks that another women is chasing after Pang. And so tries her best to be the good wife, so that she won't lose her husband. According to my mum, Yifeng used to be quite demanding, until she realised that her husband is very attractive too. And now, Adrian knowing this tries to be difficult. He comes home from work, making things difficult by asking her, "oh dinner isn't ready yet?" and yifeng has actually prepared dinner. So he changes tack and asks for dessert, saying that he has already eaten before he got home. Yifeng flusters knowing that she hasn't prepared the dessert(ice Kachang) yet. She runs into the kitchen to prepare, Pang says something like "in that case, i'll go out and get it myself" and runs out but not before grabbing some of the food that Yifeng has prepared. Which probably means that he hasn't actually eaten, he was purposefully trying to be difficult.

But i makes me wonder, how far would i go to ensure that someone will stay mine?

Also, how far would anyone go to ensure someone stays theirs?

and would you ever test your other half in such a way?

I wonder......

點心

"喝茶,吃點心! 點心,點心!!!"

The DimSum Dollies were great. The managed to poke fun at issues that are, how did they put it?, uniquely Singapore. From the Campaigns urging us to procreate, to the popularity of line-dancing in Singapore, to a prominent family, to plastic surgery, to the Singapore Girl, to parking fines.

But the main butt is quite obviously the Singapore Government. Indirect and not so direct jibes at the Singapore government abound in the whole show, and from the laughter these jibes obtained, it can be safely said that they are something singaporeans are able to identify with. It's enjoyable sometimes to be able to laugh at the things that at other times are just too sensitive to laugh at.

As the posters says, it's an all Sinagporean Cabaret Show, so i guess only locals will be able to enjoy the show fully, for it manages to convey a lot of things so subtlely that foreigners might be a little lost.

The part that i enjoyed the most was the stand up comedy that Selena Tan did a quarter of the way into the show. She delivers her lines steadily and in a tone that just says "it is funny, now laugh.".

Another part was the OTTs, the Opposition Tai Tais. It's this opposition party set up by three Tai tais. The funniest part is when they decided to go into politics, and one of them exclaimed "but i don't think i look good in white." And when they go into the running of the party, one (Pam Oei) said "I'll be able to raise my daughter to take over my place." If you're Singaporean, you'll understand why i find it so funny.

Gage's commented that the show did not actually go any way, as in they do not have a specific issue. I agree partly, as this show is mainly about Singapore and the inconsequential stuff that we seem to take too seriously sometimes. And yet there's another level to the whole show, as it does bring up some issues (albeit briefly) that deserves our attention. But we should learn to relax, not all theatrical productions need to have a agenda or issue, sometimes it's just fun. So sit back and enjoy the show.

[Listening to: Maids in Heaven - Selena Tan - Dim Sum Dollies (03:28)]

Law.

Anyone remember the joke about the airstewardess?
The one where a passenger asked her what she did before becoming a stewardess, and her answer was "study law(lor)"

You must be wondering at this point where this joke is going, nowhere actually, except maybe that i'm trying to say that I wanna be able to say that. I saw Chak in business today, he's my sergeant from my NS days, a no nonsense, go get them kind of guy. He looked surprised to see me there, for he thought i was in NTU, when i said no, i'm in NUS, he asked where? i said Engineering and he went, i thought you were in Law?

After this short encounter, (we were in the loo), i started to think, "why am i not in law?" "i would give anything to go law" "i still wanna go law even after seeing how much work is involved." "i still wanna go law even if i'll be the odd one out" "i still wanna go law even if i'm going to be the worse student there". Felt kind of lousy. I finally realised that all that talk from me about being glad that i'm not in law is crap, given a choice i'll take law over engineering anyday.

Oh well, no use lamenting over choices i didn't make, hopefully writing this down will make me feel better.
You know what? It does.
Maybe if i keep telling myself that law isn't right for me, i might even start to believe it.

Slightly tired.

Short one today.

Stalker
Apparently i have a stalker. ( For more info please read the previous post's comments.) Okay, maybe not a stalker, but its still quite scary to have someone post on your blog that he/she saw you in school yesterday. At least i now know that he/she is in NUS too. Wonder who the person is. Scary. Think i should remove my pics soon.

School
School's not bad so far, just lack sleep. I've managed to catch less than 10 hours of sleep in the last two days, and school is still in its lull period. Die lah.

That's all, i think.
Oh yah, i caught a movie today, it's called "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.... ....And Spring". You can click on the title to go to the webpage for this movie. Its in Korean.
wanted to get the Jumbo Hotdog for the movie, but decided against it as i had to eat dinner afterwards.
Felt hungry half way through the show, probably a result of nachos with cheez (hey, that's how they spell it, i'm serious) on one side and a BK burger on the other. I was hungry when i finally got out of the theatre.

Ate Subway's Turkey ham Sandwich, had oatmeal and raisins cookie, nice.

Oh yah, realise that the my phone's vibrator (sounds funny) is spoiled. Probably need to get it a new one, otherwise it'll start complaining. Anyone with ideas where to get a vibrator? Grins.

1+1=10

First Day of School
That's what i learned during my first day of school.
Apparently 1+1=10
and 11+1=100.
I'm not lying, i swear that's what my professor was attempting to teach us during the two hour lecture.

Alright, so i'm not talking about the normal number system here, it's called the binary number system, would any ner... er i mean technically inclined person like to explain to the idio... er i mean technically disinclined people what it means?

If you were to notice the time at which this post was written, you notice that i've sacrificed my lunch hour for my derserving audience. Sigh, the things i do for my art.

Tutorials
Actually the reason I'm skipping lunch is simply because that i was busy doing my research for the tutorial slots i'm supposed to take up this semester, as everyone now knows, i'm endeavouring to acheive a 4 day week inspite of taking up 6 modules. And one of the modules being a language. Spent nearly an hour getting it correct. Hopefully things will turn out as i planned. Leaving me a day to relax and swim.

Time-Table
Frankly speaking, i think my time-table rocks, alright so i might have to skip lunch on Tuesdays and Fridays, and the latest i'm able to start is 9am, and the earliest i can finish is 4pm. Its worth it to reduce my commuting time. I still recall last semester when i had to come to school for a measly two hour lecture. Sigh, the time i spent to travel to and from school is greater than the time i actually spend learning.

Sigh, time for me to go and attend my next lecture, its japanese, so hopefully it'll be less boring.

Grouses

Be forewarned that this might turn out to be a very long post. It's my hundredth posts, so forgive me if I get carried away and start posting rubbish. Essentially this is a post about the things or people that have been bugging me recently, or has caused offence to me lately. This is for those people who have offended me knowingly or unwittingly.

School...
... starts tomorrow. And that comes with a whole plethora of grouses in itself.

Money...
...to buy text books with, to survive with, to spend with, is in short supply for me right now. No more restaurants, movies or shopping. My financial life is currently in a mess, i feel bad having to ask for money from my parents, yet i know it'll be near to impossible for me to survive on a measly 180 a month. So no more drinking, clubbing, shopping, movies till i have a comfortable buffer.

Money...
... I realised that i've been digging deeply into my "buy a handphone" fund. It now seems to me that the chances of me getting my phone anytime soon is quite dismal. The only way i'll be able to get it, is only if i survive on nothing but water and air for the next two months. Maybe i'll get my phone then, but knowing me, it probably won't happen.

Japanese...
.. taking jap1, wondering whether i've bitten off more than i can chew.

My computer...
...has chosen the weekend before school starts to act up, leaving me with a barely functioning machine. The only that works properly are MSN messenger, internet explorer and games. Not really the type of stuff you'll need in school. I hate my comp.

Fireworks...
... missed them, thanks to a friend who told me that it'll start at 9. You now who you are.

The Stupid Hairstylist...
...who gave me a dorky haircut. She's probably recieving a comission from the major hair products producers.

School...
School...
School...
...and the end of the days of slacking by the poolside.

Friends...
...who do not listen to me and prefer to do stuff their own way despite the fact that they're hurting themselves. (Actually it's only one friend.)

Friends...
...who i thought was close enough to share with me the fact that he has just gotten attached. But no, i had to hear from someone else.

Tuition...
...that is stretching my patience, i'm doing my best to help, yet it seems that all that i'm doing is in vain, for my charge had this tendency to avoid topics that he hates. (Actually we all do....)

Kinokuniya...
...for having a storewide sale.

Sembawang Music Store...
...for a lousy hiring policy.

My Love...
...who has no idea what's actually worrying me.

My Love...
...for being so busy.

My love...
...for being so nice to me.

My body...
... for being flabby.

Myself...
...for not being disciplined enough to actually lose weight.

Myself...
...for being so needy.

Myself...
...for being so selfish.

Myself...
...for being prone to bouts of depression.

Myself...
...for not daring to show it.

My world...
... for bring so fucked up.

My bio clock...
...for being out of sync.

Time...
...for being so fleeting.

Life...
...for being so aimless.

And most of all...

...Myself...
...for being such a bitch lately.

Booze

A band had to rest;
Lost a great hang out.

Met up with friends;
Had a great time.

Ordered some booze;
Someone got tipsy.

Walked around town;
Stopped before Justice.

Feeling a little peckish;
Had a quick snack.

Non-pretentious crowd,
Unpretending Fun.