Happy Birthday!

So much to write about, yet so little time to do it with.
I've got tests coming up one after another, screwed.

Someone got picked up last night, woo.
NOT the birthday boy though.

The crowd at Wala Wala was great in the end,
NOT at the start though.

Had a fun time taking photos during the intermissions.
NOT just boring poses though.

Yet I have to say I enjoyed Gage's birthday celebrations.
Happy Birthday! Gagey.

I might have tests aplenty, but i wouldn't have missed it.
NOT for anything in the world.

2 years

If you think about, ten years isn't very long. It's not enough time.

There are two moments in my life where I remember learning important lessons about being married from my parents. One was when I asked my dad if he ever thought about divorcing my mother. Almost all of my friends had divorced parents, but it never seemed to be something I would have to worry about.

I remember them both laughing at the question.

Then I asked my dad, privately, if he still loved my mother as much as he did when he married her. And his answer surprised me. He told me that he didn't love my mother any longer. Certainly not in the sense that a young couple loves each other when they first meet. He told me that the feelings he had for my mother were greater than love. They were beyond love. At the time, I had no hopes of understanding what he meant.

When you love a woman wholly, and she loves you, it goes beyond mere sexual attraction or romantic infatuation. Over time, trials and tribulations you become intertwined. Like a Gordian knot. And I understand that now. I know what my dad meant.

The second lesson my parents taught me about being married was much harder to learn. I watched my father say goodbye to my mother. I saw him give her a final kiss and let her go. And I saw that 30 years was not enough time. I doubt that 100 years would have been enough.

There will never be enough time with Angela. As ten years blinking by can attest to. It feels as if we met a lifetime ago and at the same time it feels like we met yesterday. No matter how much time we have, it is inevitable that one day we will both feel cheated.

That's not to say that I'm sad today. Of course not. But I'm not giddy either. I find myself, ten years later, a content man of 35 who feels it would be irresponsible not to stop and smell the roses as deeply as possible.

I have a good life. It would be a sin not to properly cherish it.

Especially today.

From: PvPonline

I can understand how he feels, I can understand what he says. I've been worrying about what I'll do the day you leave me. But I now know that what I should do is not to worry about that day, but to cherish our time together. 2 years feels so long, yet it seems like just yesterday when I met you.

I'm sorry for giving you so much crap recently, but I just can't stand you not being around. Understand and forgive me?

Melancholic

Spent the whole day in a sort of a daze. Didn't manage to do anything the whole day. Just dazed and daydreamed. Feeling that I want you to be by my side to tell me that everything is alright, hoping that you're here by my side squeezing my hand.

I lost my card holder yesterday, it held my IC, my matric card, my ezlink card. Yet I wasn't upset. But i know in my heart, that if I lost either my wallet or my ring, I'll never stop blaming myself. Simply because as of today, they've been with me for 1 year 17 days, simply because they remind me of you, simply because they were given to me by a person I love. I know you wouldn't blame me, but I will.

I cleared out my closet today, I saw the letters you wrote, the postcard you sent, the magazines you gave me, the box that held the ring that's on my left hand right now, the 99 cranes, the paper bag with my old wallet still inside. The photos of us.

After thinking for the whole afternoon, I came to the realization that the only thing I can't afford to lose is you.

中間休み

来週は中間休み。
でも、休みではない。
休みの後、テストがいっぱいあるん。
休みの時、勉強しなきゃ。

嫌だ。

Johari's window

Arena (known to self and others) complex, intelligent, knowledgable, logical	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, caring, cheerful, clever, confident, dependable, energetic, friendly, idealistic, independent, kind, mature, modest, proud, reflective, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, trustworthy, warm, witty
Façade (known only to self) accepting	Unknown (known to nobody) adaptable, bold, brave, calm, dignified, extroverted, giving, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, loving, nervous, observant, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, relaxed, religious, shy, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, wise

All Percentages

able (20%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (20%) cheerful (10%) clever (10%) complex (30%) confident (30%) dependable (40%) dignified (0%) energetic (10%) extroverted (0%) friendly (30%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (10%) independent (30%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (30%) introverted (0%) kind (10%) knowledgable (30%) logical (10%) loving (0%) mature (30%) modest (10%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (10%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (10%) searching (20%) self-assertive (30%) self-conscious (20%) sensible (20%) sentimental (30%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (20%) warm (10%) wise (0%) witty (30%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.2.2006, using data from 10 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view GarionNG's full data.

短編映画

今日、短編映画を観た。シンガポール人が作った映画。ロマンスだ。この映画は高校生が書いた手紙の話だ。その男の子は友達が好きだ。でも、その友達に「好きだ」と言う時、友達は「無理だ。君が好き、でも友達の間だけだ。」と言った。何故無理だ？二人は男性だから。でも主人公は投げなかった。主人公はその好きな人にプレゼントをあげていた。最終、その人の誕生日に指輪を買ってあげた。その人は指輪を地に捨てた。「死ぬ！」と言った。その男の子、最終自殺だ。実生活の話です。
観た跡、悲しかった。

買い物

今日忙しかった。
12時から2時まで授業あった。
その後、アルバイトへ行った。
それから、友達とオチャドで会った。
晩御飯を食べて行った。
サブウェイで食事した。
その前、Ｅｓｐｉｒｉｔでティーシャツ買った。
デザインもいいし、値段も安い。それに本当に好きから、買った。
食事後、友達と喋れながら、コーヒー飲んでいた。
いろいろな友達の事を言っていた。
本当に楽しかった。

疲れた

本当、何人かの人とプロジェクトをしてはいけない。
いつも「それはできないと思う」と言っていた。
何も聞こえなかった。
本当にうるさかった。

すいていた家

最近の二、三日、すいていた家に帰った。
姪を看なかったから、両親はいつも、どこかに出かけた。
だから、昼ご飯も晩ご飯も一人で食べていた。
寂しかった。大嫌い。

今朝、プロジェクトのミーティンぐに行った。
僕のアイデアを決めたけど、主管と会った会議に全然変えた。
アイデアはわからなかった。本当に気持ちが悪かった。

水泳の時だけは何でも忘れられる。
嬉しいことはひとつしかなかった。
それは、いま僕は自由形で泳げる。